6.14.2016 – Seriously?

When life keeps giving you lemons, I’m here to tell you, you WILL get sick of making lemonade.

Two weeks ago I went to see my OB because I’d been spotting for about 24 hours. I was 22 weeks and 3 days pregnant. She did an exam and told me that she could feel my membranes. She said I have an incompetent cervix and I needed to immediately go to the hospital where I’d be admitted for at least a couple of days.

She told me that she was going to call a high risk surgeon to meet me and she was hoping he’d be able to place a “rescue”cerclage in my cervix. There wasn’t a whole lot of certainty in her voice though. She was really unsure whether anything could be done. She was very factual and calm, but I could tell baby boy and I were in deep shit.

So I hopped a cab (faster than uber or an ambulance) over to CPMC California. The nurses in triage were expecting me (I started having major PTSD flashbacks of the adria leak and my trip to the ER for the antidote….)

Long story short, I was having emergency surgery within an hour and a half. I was 3cm dilated and the surgeon could see baby boy’s feet coming out through the membranes (which were bulging out of my cervix).  Thank heavens the doctor was able to get the bag back into my cervix without rupturing it and there was enough cervix left to work with to insert a cerclage.

I’m not going to lie to any of you. The outlook those first 72 hours was really, really grim, but my body pulled through, and, far as anyone can tell, the baby is none the wiser (though he did get a good healthy dose of narco post-op and a 4-day-round-the-clock-dose of antibiotics via IV to my body).

So now I’m on indefinite bed rest at the hospital. Since I was asymptomatic when all of this started (save a little spotting) my doctors are hesitant to breathe a sigh of relief. We’re forced to take everything day by day and pray for the best.

It’s been 14 days since I arrived here. It’s been incredibly hard not to see Nora, Maisey and Paul all the time. It’s been a major test of character to have to surrender 100% control of everything in my life. From caring for my child, to my own body. I have to be strong every day and remember that I’m a mere vessel. Here to incubate the newest member of our family. It’s not an easy job at all. I was in a lot of physical pain early on. Now I’m in a lot of emotional pain. But when I focus on one day at a time, that helps.

This past Saturday I hit 24 weeks in my pregnancy, which is a huge milestone. Should baby boy arrive at this point, there are life saving measures that can be taken. That was not the case when I first arrived at 22 weeks.

So we are grateful for every small victory and we’ll keep pushing on. There are so many more details to the story, but the above is the gist. We’d appreciate it if you could keep us all in your prayers and hold space for us. We’ve got a long, long road ahead and hope that it’s drama free.

xoxo,

Andrea

 

I’m 11 Months Old Today!

I can’t believe I’m 11 months old today! Mom tried to take my picture with the bear and age block on the rocking chair just as she’s done in past months, but I had other ideas. Check out the video below, haha!

I just spent a week on the east coast at my uncle Chuck’s house with all of my mom’s family for Thanksgiving. We had a blast. I got to hang out with all of my cousins and play the entire time! Mom posted a ton of pictures below for you to see.

I’m officially walking more than I crawl. My mom says I’m a force to be reckoned with. I have some serious ants in my pants and I love keeping her on her toes throughout the day. I’m super curious and adventurous — which means I’m often getting into things that mom says are “no-no’s”!

I babble and sing like it’s my job. I can say “dada”, “mama”, “mai-mai”, “E-I-E-I-O”, “Hi” and I can growl like a pirate “arrggh”.  I clap along to “If you’re happy and you know it” and I wave my arms like a crazy person for “Where is thumpkin?”

While I’ve made a lot of progress on the moving and communication fronts, I still have NO teeth! lol And I’m still a picky eater who wants everything pureed to a pulp. What can I say, I like what I like!

I met Santa Claus at the mall and helped mom and dad put up our Christmas Tree. It’s been an action-packed month! I wonder what excitement my 11th month will hold………

 

 

So much for trying to get a shot of me with the age block!

At the tree lot picking out our glorious tree

All of our stockings are up!

Putting my 1st ornament on the tree!

Adding the pierogi ornament!

Our tree!

Cousin time

Cousin time

I love Max’s Bat Mobile!

Santa!

Uncle Chuck’s tree

Cousin time

Cousin time

Something about this fridge that’s drawing me in!

Cousin time

Cousin time

Cousin time

Cousin time

 

I’m 1 Month Old Today!

Hello World!

We welcome with love, Nora Anjali Sieminski
January 7, 2015 6:34 am
6lb. 4 oz., 19.5 inches

It’s go time!

Dearest baby of mine: for the next number of hours, it’s just you and me kid. I promise to take very good care of you on your first journey.

My water broke early this morning — so we’re heading to the hospital to meet you.   We can’t wait to wish you a happy birthday! It won’t be long now…….

 

 

 

Showered With Love

Baby Sieminski is so loved by so many of you. It makes me so happy!

Over the past two weekends, we’ve had two incredible baby showers.  The first was when we were back east in Buffalo visiting family and the second was here in SF.

Both were exquisite. These two Sieminski girls feel so loved and cherished. Thank you all so much for the support and lovely gifts.

I have to send a special shout out to Sandy in Buffalo and Sarah, Tegan and Ami in SF — you  all did an amazing job planning and hosting these events. I will never forget them!

I’ll let the slideshows below do all the talking!

Buffalo Shower:

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San Francisco Shower:

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26 Weeks

I’m 26 weeks and things are chugging along.

hhmm, sort of looks like my ass is eating Maisey…poor doggie!

Different angle so that you can see Maisey is indeed alive and well!

The nursery is almost done (crazy, I know), newborn photo session has been scheduled, we’re signed up for our birth class, newborn class and hospital tour, birth doula’s been hired and postpartum (night) doula’s beed hired.

We still have to install car seat bases and get them checked (I just learned that you have to have someone check them — thanks Shadin for telling me — I never would’ve known!), pick a pediatrician, and probably a million other things I haven’t thought about. I never realized how much stuff is in involved with baby prep.  Right now I’m living in the blissful world of “I don’t know what I don’t know!” Perhaps I’ll keep living there for awhile longer…..

As for me, I’m feeling good, though my energy is starting to wane. I’m still going to the gym on a semi-regular basis. I don’t do a heck of a lot while I’m there — just walk on the treadmill, or do some strength training, or pop into the pool for cardio (think old lady, cruise ship cardio!). So far so good on the exercise front….

Gymin’ it

Just a quick update to say hello and let you all know how I’m doing 🙂

xo

Breast v. Bottle

Guys! I can’t physically breastfeed so PLEASE, for the love of all things sacred, stop asking me about it!

Ever since I found out I’m pregnant — I joined a new club — the “mom-to-be” club. I’ve waited years to gain entrée into this one and am elated to finally be here! As I suspected, people crawl out of the woodwork to offer support, guidance and helpful tips. It’s incredible!

Most notably, however, is the ease with which people talk at you about breastfeeding. The conversation always starts from the assumption that you’ll be breastfeeding.  For the oodles of women out there who choose not to breastfeed for their own personal reasons, this is a terribly invasive and rude conversation.

For me, it’s just a kick in the gut.

Obviously perfect strangers that I meet now have no idea I had cancer.  All they know is that I have weird, short hair (what can I say? I’m in that awkward grow out stage right now!)

and I’m having a baby. Great! inevitably, the requisite baby small-talk commences: “OMG, congrats! Your bump is so cute! When are you due? Is it a boy or girl? How are you feeling?” Then comes the breastfeeding convo: “Are you going to breastfeed? It’s a total bitch – hands down, it’s the hardest thing about being a mom. Natural Resources, which is in your neighborhood, offers great classes on breastfeeding — they’re worth the money.”

Since they’re strangers, I politely explain to them that I can’t breastfeed because I had a bi-lateral mastectomy.  I give my 2 minute cancer bio and that usually quiets the conversation. Only the most special people like to return to the topic 5 minutes later. It’s usually in the form of “Well, since you’re not breastfeeding, your boobs are going to KILL after the milk comes in and you have to let them dry up.”  Ummmm, no they won’t. I’m not sure how many ways I can tell you this — but while my breasts are anatomically stunning (!) and easy on the eyes, they’re 100% silicone.

It’s shocking to me how many people who are fully aware that I had breast cancer and a bi-lateral mastectomy STILL mention nursing to me! OH EM GEE, for real? This includes family members and fellow BAYS (my breast cancer support group) friends.  As for my BAYS ladies, there are many paths to treatment for cancer. Some of my BAYS friends had lumpectomies, or single mastectomies and the possibility of breastfeeding still exists for them. Some breastfed their children before being diagnosed, so they don’t stop to think about having a baby post DX. But still, I expect more from this group of people.

Now that I’m showing, these conversations happen pretty frequently. I’ve heard a lot of silly things come out of people’s mouths. But this next one is by far my favorite: “There’s so much pressure to breastfeed, it’s like you’re a monster if you don’t want to do it — you’re so lucky, at least you don’t have to choose whether or not to do it — the decision’s been made for you — AND nobody can give you grief about it because you don’t have boobs” WTF? That one is up there with my favorite breast cancer insult “Well, at least you got the easy cancer.” Not comforting people, not comforting.

Here are my conclusions:

1. People are so damned excited about a brand new life entering the world, they get amnesia about any and all sickness you had in the past.  Essentially, babies are blinding! (This helps me explain away close friends and even family members who talk to me about breastfeeding.)

and

2. People don’t really understand what a bi-lateral mastectomy entails. Little refresher for you – all of your breast tissue is removed in surgery. You are left with skin, pectoral muscle, anatomically shaped implants and rib cage. In that order. I assure you, there’s no breast tissue. No milk ducts. Nope, no possibility of milk comin’ outta there.

In all, it just sort of sucks to be reminded so frequently that I had breast cancer because it makes me think about the limitations I’ll face after giving birth. It makes me sad that I don’t have a choice in whether or not I nurse our baby. I’m also really sad that my chest is still pretty numb, the skin on my chest is cool to the touch (silicone implants aren’t a great heat conductor) and my implants are pretty hard. I wish I could give our daughter a nice warm, squishy landing pad to snuggle up to (and that I’d be able to physically feel her laying on my chest). But I can’t, and that’s sad to me.

If there’s one lesson I want you to take away with you from this post, it’s this: the breast v bottle conversation is as taboo as asking someone who they’re going to vote for. It’s really not your business, so please don’t go there.

 

 

 

 

My Legacy

It’s been a long while since I’ve posted anything of substance.  I’ve not had much to say these days — so I went back into my archives and found this draft post — from October 21, 2013.  I’ve not edited it at all. I figured it was best to just post it — grammar/spelling warts and all. So here goes………….
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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my legacy.

Legacy is defined as “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past”.

For me, as you most of you know, at this point, it’s very unlikely that I’ll have my own biological children. If you’ve been following my blog, you know I’ve struggled with infertility and then cancer struck. After aggressive chemo nuked my entire body, including my ovaries, there’s little possibility that I can use my own eggs for a pregnancy. Hell, I’m still technically in menopause and have no clue if I’ll ever get my period back (TMI? Don’t read this blog then!).

But, all of that said, I still think about my legacy.  When Paul and I were picking our egg donor, her family health history was very important to us. We looked for red flags, like cancer, heart disease, metal instability etc. Obviously, you don’t WANT any of that if you can avoid it. Thankfully, our donor and her family, on paper, lacked those “bad” traits. Though I’m no dummy, that shit can hit her family tomorrow. I’m living proof of that.

Now, that the dust has settled with my own treatment, I realize that my own family will have to grapple with my diagnosis as it relates to themselves and their own families.  My thoughts immediately go to my brother Bob’s daughters.  Will my darling nieces have to get the BRCA gene test? Since I was BRCA negative, will that test and it’s results even be meaningful if they do have it? Will Bob and Sarah worry every day about their daughters’ susceptibility to cancer given that their paternal aunt got it?

I also think about my maternal cousins; but I’m less worried about them as they’re grown women who can make sound decisions for themselves. What about my first cousins’ children? I realize that’s a bit far removed, but I still think about it.

Finally, we all know that breast cancer doesn’t only impact women – men can get it too. For some reason, I feel cavalier on this front. I feel sure that no men in my family will be impacted. But that’s probably stupid of me. So to my brothers and my male cousins — FEEL YOUR BOOBIES. Sorry, it is what it is.

Ugh. I’ve been so busy thinking about me and getting through this ordeal. I didn’t stop to think what sort of reality and worry my DX may have wrought on my family and extended family.

My only hope is that this starts and ends with me. That my body simply went haywire and that’s the end of it.

Geez, reality does bite.